somewhere in the back of my mind, it had registered that spring break is this week in the mitten, but considering it's been below 20F for the past 2 weeks and the fact that i am leading an "adult life," it was difficult to remember that concept. i had today off and went on another long hike up a hill into the meadows, but trail conditions were less than ideal and every once in a while, i would step into loose snow and sink down to my knee or thigh. it was almost comical, if a little disconcerting, to have every third or fourth step fall through on me. but eventually i learned to roll with it and stopped panicking each time i sunk, like a free fall on one foot.

sometime in the middle of the journey, i thought about spring break and tried to remember what had happened last year. it took some time, because apparently 1.5 months of adult life was enough to convince my short term memory that any life before this was just an illusion. when i did remember, i had to smile: last spring break, i was just getting back MCAT scores while trying skiing for the first time at Mt. Holly. then i had done biotransport homework and woke up absurdly early to interview nurses at the hospital for senior design (FlowBlue!). a year later, i am hiking alone in thigh-deep snow in alaska, having already applied and interviewed and now waiting to hear back from the last of the schools. soon, this too, will seem like another illusion. but instead of being sad or nostalgic, i was merely amused, as if i had long given up trying to control every detail that happens in my life. "all that yoga and meditation must be working," i thought, as i partially detached and floated above to observe the lovely moment, balanced between physical motion and inner stillness, body heat and chilled air. lovely moments like this used to always make me slightly panicky, as if i had to do everything possible to capture it and keep it forever. this time, i took a deep breath and just be. being, not doing. then i let the moment go and moved on.
"It's time for something that was beautiful to turn into something else that is beautiful." ~e. gilbert


John Muir cabin on top of the hill